Have you ever used one of those websites that show you a midway point between two locations, like whatshalfway.com or meetways.com? I use them when I’m meeting up with old friends and need to find a restaurant in the middle of us. I use them when I’m traveling so I know my midway point.
I recently used one of the midway point websites and it got me thinking about how often in life I strive to meet people on their terms, not halfway, not where I am. I have often tried to remember that other people are going through life too and may not be able to be where I am. Maybe they are in a silly mood or they are sad or just hungry. Maybe they are struggling or tired. In other words, they are in a different mood than me.
Today, I was trying to think through a situation and started thinking about how I could meet them where they are instead of trying to get them to understand where I am. That stopped me in my tracks. Don’t meet them? It never occurred to me that I could and probably should, have an expectation that I’m allowed to ask for others to meet me halfway. I don’t expect anyone to come to me, to walk across the room, or to empathize with what I’m feeling. But I like to think we could try to meet in the middle.
What if we don’t meet at all? I was reading about the theory of meeting people where they are. It’s accepting people as they are without judgment and without trying to fix them or their situation. I have always agreed that we can only control ourselves and our words. But sometimes you yearn to have others hear you, understand you, and you want them to see things from your perspective – even if they don’t agree. I wish communication was easier. We are each different. We speak different languages. We have emotions and body language that effect our words. Sometimes finding the right words is not possible, especially if we are having an off day.
So if you are still reading (btw, thank you), I ask you to try this. The next time you speak with someone, try something. Stop what you are doing, take a breath, and open your ears. Don’t speak. Don’t get distracted. Don’t think about what you feel or think or what you want to say. Just listen to what they are saying. Notice their body language, their breathing, and how they are speaking. Truly hear their words. Then you can decide what type of a response is necessary. Sometimes you just need to nod your head and say you hear them. Sometimes people just need to be heard. Maybe what you want isn’t as important in the moment you give to someone else.
When was the last time you felt heard? When was the last time you truly listened?
I’m Here To Help
~Tina
Resources:
EMI Staff. The Art of Listening. https://www.engagedmindfulness.org/post/the-art-of-listening?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=22673927253&gbraid=0AAAAADNWB8ptwZb1hw-uXUitc2JqjRLnp&gclid=Cj0KCQjwjIPSBhCCARIsABGyK7uxqdHat5IjCgRFuSG8t_9AOkZoQKVlMT-GKj9GWYqIU0Qq2VFqNVEaAhy8EALw_wcB
Fjeldheim, Chelsey. Meeting People Where They are: Deep Connections Without Expectations. Retrieved from: https://couragespeakscounseling.com/meeting-people-where-they-are-deep-connections-without-expectations/